Ladies –
Let’s talk about your booty for a moment.

Heinie, rear, okole, posterior, bottom, rump, hindquarters.
Whatever.

I really don’t know what to think about this.

Whenever I try my brain cells fizzle and my eyes threaten to explode.

I’m trying to understand this thing with big butts.

By big – I’m talking humongous.

You know, buying your pants by time zones instead of size.

I’m having real problems seeing anything that makes sense here…or there.

I even had a beer or two in hopes that would clarify everything for me.
Nope.

Speaking as an expert at being a man – I can tell you most men enjoy a finely shaped derriere.

Something that fills out your well-tailored jeans in a pleasant and aerodynamic way.

Pleasantly pump is also quite nice.

This is not it.

Injecting silicone, motor oil, Pepsi or an old rubber tube in there does nothing more than provide something to keep you afloat when the apocalypse arrives.

This isn’t about women with a weight problem – it’s about people with a really strange desire to have the biggest tush in town.

Now I realise there are some men who disagree and love a blimp hanging off their lady’s backside.

Good for them.
Everyone’s different.

I think they’re nuts.

Let’s look at this scientifically, shall we?

Many studies say a man’s attraction to women with a prodigious bum is set in their genes.

All the right stuff in all the right places makes the world go around.

Yes, I just condensed a thirty page scientific report into one sentence.

It’s all about a guy’s perception of health and vitality and the ability to have children.

Sorry.
That’s not where babies come from.

And the stork isn’t involved either.

This started with the skinny-obsession of the early 90s.

Remember that?
Me neither.

Somewhere between that time and now, it became socially necessary to have a big fanny because popular hip-hop/rap music and the Kardashian’s made it so.

Scientists also say they think it’s a passing fad.

Let’s hope so.
Because I don’t understand it.

And thing’s I don’t understand make me grumpy.