{"id":1696,"date":"2014-06-17T19:33:09","date_gmt":"2014-06-18T05:33:09","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/grumpyseniors.com\/?p=1696"},"modified":"2014-06-18T05:55:12","modified_gmt":"2014-06-18T15:55:12","slug":"the-trauma-of-grey","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/grumpyseniors.com\/?p=1696","title":{"rendered":"The trauma of grey"},"content":{"rendered":"

I was hanging out in the hallway a couple of days ago, wasting taxpayer money by gossiping with a co-worker.<\/p>\n

Gossip is good.
\nThere’s usually a small shred of truth in it and it helps one decide when it’s time to zig or zag.<\/p>\n

But this isn’t about that.<\/p>\n

This is about my colleague saying he was getting old.
\nThe guy is\u00a035 for yipes sake.<\/p>\n

It’s always nice when someone touches on a subject where I can be considered an expert.<\/p>\n

Outside of patty melts and Dobash Cake, I know a lot about getting old.<\/p>\n

Getting old is a series of steps.
\nOne doesn’t wake up one day and say I’m an old putz.<\/p>\n

Since I’ve been there you may consider me a suitable guide to the steps on the road to your future.<\/p>\n

Unless you’re already there.
\nThen welcome to my world.<\/p>\n

We need more grumps.<\/p>\n

\"onegray-hair\"<\/a>The initial trauma is the arrival of your first gray hair.<\/p>\n

It was\u00a0my early 40’s when I found mine…while doing a radio show.<\/p>\n

It became fodder for the next two hours, including every “I’m old” record I could find.<\/p>\n

The show was fun and quite successful so the trauma was minor and quickly forgotten.<\/p>\n

Anyway, there’s not much else\u00a0you could do about it once\u00a0you get past the endless argument of whether to pluck it or not.<\/p>\n

I did.<\/p>\n

If you’re a woman, you can simply head to the hairdresser and say, “Make me blond.”<\/p>\n

For guys, it’s more difficult as our\u00a0manliness gets in the way.<\/p>\n

The next step for guys is\u00a0a bad one.<\/p>\n

It’s now my mid-ish 40’s and I’m a TV guy.<\/p>\n

I crushed on a lady I met at some Friday night hangout that’s no longer around because I stopped going there.
\nI mentioned it to her girlfriend.<\/p>\n

Later that night the lady said her friend thought I was too old for her.
\nWomen can be so cruel.<\/p>\n

I went home depressed and stayed in a funk for days.<\/p>\n

\"bad-fashion-5\"<\/a>As you move into your middle 50’s some shirts will stop fitting you.
\nIt has nothing to do with washing them in hot water.<\/p>\n

You’re getting a gut.<\/p>\n

Then the pants stop fitting.
\nYou’re getting some booty and it’s hanging low.<\/p>\n

Late 50’s – you no\u00a0longer bounce out of bed in the morning.
\nIf you ever were that disgusting type of person.<\/p>\n

\"Grecian<\/a>When my grey sideburns starting climbing to the top of my head I dumped a bottle of Grecian Formula on myself.<\/p>\n

I went from salt-and-pepper to jet black.
\nYou know you can’t wash that stuff out?<\/p>\n

I went and got a crew cut.<\/p>\n

Now I really look ridiculous, but my hair was back to its grey.<\/p>\n

The 60’s are okay because you don’t care any more and you figured you earned every one of them.<\/p>\n

I hear the 70’s are better because you don’t remember.
\nAnything.<\/p>\n

I’m looking forward to it and so will you when you get to my age.<\/p>\n

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