{"id":1745,"date":"2014-06-26T05:30:37","date_gmt":"2014-06-26T15:30:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/grumpyseniors.com\/?p=1745"},"modified":"2014-06-25T21:17:30","modified_gmt":"2014-06-26T07:17:30","slug":"apparently-many-of-you-ladies-reading-this-are-witches","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/grumpyseniors.com\/?p=1745","title":{"rendered":"Apparently many of you ladies reading this are witches"},"content":{"rendered":"

I was cruising the Internet and found another one of those deep wells of fascinating information.<\/p>\n

I have to read this stuff because the wife won’t let me go to sites with dirty pictures which is about 63-percent of the Internet.<\/p>\n

I know.
\nI counted.<\/p>\n

\"witche1-sized\"<\/a>Back in the 1600’s, checking to see if someone was a witch was big business.<\/p>\n

Here’s a list they used back then to decide:<\/p>\n

1. You are female<\/p>\n

2. You are poor or cannot support yourself financially<\/p>\n

3. You are rich or financially independent<\/p>\n

4. You have one or more female friends<\/p>\n

5. You have had an argument with one or more of your female friends<\/p>\n

6. You have had an argument or disagreement with anyone<\/p>\n

7. You are very old<\/p>\n

8. You are very young<\/p>\n

9. You are a midwife<\/p>\n

\"witch<\/a>10. You are married with too many children<\/p>\n

11. You are married with too few (or no) children<\/p>\n

12. You have exhibited \u201cstubborn,\u201d \u201cstrange,\u201d or \u201cforward behavior”<\/p>\n

13. You have a mole or birthmark<\/p>\n

14. You have spoiled butter or milk in your home<\/p>\n

15. You have had sex out-of-wedlock<\/p>\n

16. You have attempted to predict the identity of your future husband<\/p>\n

17. You wear clothing made of more than one kind of cloth or fabric<\/p>\n

That just about covers everything, doesn’t it?
\nMay the dark shadows cloak you in their wretched embrace.<\/p>\n

\"Witch<\/a>Of course, if you ever watched Wizard of Oz you know there are good witches and bad witches.<\/p>\n

This is a good witch because she’s holding a beer.<\/p>\n

I had a blind date once a long time ago.<\/p>\n

Over dinner she told me she was a witch.
\nShe was also really weird.<\/p>\n

I wonder if she ever got married.
\nMaybe to an Ogre.<\/p>\n

I know some guys that have called their wife a witch but I suspect this is not what they really meant.<\/p>\n

Probably more along the line of having to mow the lawn on Sunday instead of playing golf.<\/p>\n

But still…<\/p>\n

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