{"id":1863,"date":"2014-08-03T09:29:38","date_gmt":"2014-08-03T19:29:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/grumpyseniors.com\/?p=1863"},"modified":"2014-08-03T09:34:44","modified_gmt":"2014-08-03T19:34:44","slug":"last-friday-was-a-bummer","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/grumpyseniors.com\/?p=1863","title":{"rendered":"Last Friday was a bummer"},"content":{"rendered":"

So it’s Friday night and I’m holding two $5 bills in my hand.<\/p>\n

\"hot_fudge_sundae\"<\/a>They were burning a hole in my pocket and I couldn’t think of a better thing to spend it on at that late hour then a run to McDonald’s for hot fudge sundaes.<\/p>\n

Have I mentioned before that anything with chocolate is at the top of the food pyramid?<\/p>\n

The wife is sacked out on the couch but getting her up for something this delightful is not difficult.<\/p>\n

So she wanders off to do whatever it is women do before they are seen in public.<\/p>\n

This is ignoring the fact it’s 10 pm and we’d be hitting the drive through.<\/p>\n

I suspect she wants to look good in case we’re in an accident.<\/p>\n

Mother’s tell their son’s to wear clean underwear for that reason.
\nI suppose the makeup thing is what they tell their daughters.<\/p>\n

Anyway, I head over to close the front door so the burglars stay away.<\/p>\n

Crash.
\nDown I went as my left knee gives out.<\/p>\n

It has done that before but it’s been maybe 9 months since the last time and I thought that stuff had ended.<\/p>\n

Apparently not.<\/p>\n

I have no idea what happened but it appears a metal strip along the bottom of\u00a0the front door got back at me for all the times I slammed it on the way out.<\/p>\n

My doc looks at it the next morning and said something that sounded like “eeewwww.”<\/p>\n

She pulls in a surgeon to share the view.
\nHe apparently was overjoyed at what he saw.<\/p>\n

He kept saying I almost amputated my small toe and it’s going to take a lot of stitches.<\/p>\n

\"Doggie<\/a>I’m not sure if he meant I was lucky or I should have tried harder.<\/p>\n

I have a picture of all this but you don’t want to see it.
\nTrust me, it’s gross.<\/p>\n

If I were a dog this is probably what everything looks like now.
\nSort of.<\/p>\n

He was really happy about all those stitches.
\nMaybe he had a car payment coming up.<\/p>\n

He spent more than an hour sewing everything back together.<\/p>\n

All the time\u00a0explaining how suturing in that area was like breast surgery.
\nSomething about the folds in the skin and curved needles.<\/p>\n

I’m not sure if I needed to know all that but I took it all in case I needed small talk at the next cocktail party.<\/p>\n

Three hours later I leave the doc’s office and\u00a0hobble to the car to head home.<\/p>\n

He said don’t walk on it so I headed out to the daughter’s birthday night that night.
\nYeah, I’m stupid.<\/p>\n

So I’m now home gobbling pain pills and floating in la-la land.
\nLife is good.<\/p>\n

I couldn’t be grumpy if I wanted to be.
\nI’m sure that will change soon.<\/p>\n

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