{"id":267,"date":"2013-08-30T16:51:51","date_gmt":"2013-08-31T02:51:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/grumpyseniors.com\/?p=267"},"modified":"2013-09-05T19:55:20","modified_gmt":"2013-09-06T05:55:20","slug":"thank-you-but-im-dead","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/grumpyseniors.com\/?p=267","title":{"rendered":"Thank you, but I’m dead"},"content":{"rendered":"

Today I found out when I’m supposed to die.<\/p>\n

I haven’t told the wife yet but I think she probably knows.<\/p>\n

Earlier today the planets aligned just right and I found myself with about 10 minutes of idle time at work.<\/p>\n

So I got on my taxpayer-supplied, government-owned computer and cruised the internet for a bit.<\/p>\n

\"Im-dead-sizedc\"<\/a>All in the interest of research.<\/p>\n

I found myself at\u00a0a website where\u00a0I could take this test and it would tell\u00a0me how long\u00a0I have to live.<\/p>\n

You know: do\u00a0I exercise, what do\u00a0I eat, smoke, drink or if I get stressed out?<\/p>\n

All the usual stuff your doctor asks you and we lie about because we don’t want to look like a boob.<\/p>\n

This time I tried to be truthful since no one was looking back at me in astonishment.<\/p>\n

I finished it up and clicked submit.
\nThe answer came back.<\/p>\n

It says I died three years ago.<\/p>\n

Funny, I don’t feel dead, not that I have any experiencer with that.<\/p>\n

Unless, of course, I’m really dead.
\nAnd it could be.<\/p>\n

My wife occasionally tells me I need a shower because I stink.
\nDead people stink, so maybe I am.<\/p>\n

After my dog died someone looked at me and said I looked “like death warmed over”.<\/p>\n

I thought I was just sad.
\nMaybe I was wrong.<\/p>\n

Sometimes I walk down the hallway and say hello to a\u00a0lady going the other way.<\/p>\n

She ignores me.
\nMaybe I’m dead and not really there.<\/p>\n

I always thought being dead had something to do with sitting on clouds, and wings, and stuff like that.<\/p>\n

Maybe not.<\/p>\n

The test has to be correct, after all I found it on the internet.<\/p>\n

I wonder if the IRS would buy that.<\/p>\n

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