{"id":2681,"date":"2015-05-04T05:30:45","date_gmt":"2015-05-04T15:30:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/grumpyseniors.com\/?p=2681"},"modified":"2015-05-04T23:47:12","modified_gmt":"2015-05-05T09:47:12","slug":"its-not-nice-to-piss-off-the-queen","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/grumpyseniors.com\/?p=2681","title":{"rendered":"It’s not nice to piss off the Queen"},"content":{"rendered":"

When I was much younger I caught the attention of the British Government.
\nNot in a good way.<\/p>\n

It decided I was a gangster.
\nYes, I have a shady past.<\/p>\n

Women love men with shady pasts.<\/p>\n

My father was looking at buying an island in the Bahamas and invited me to tag along while he went to his meetings.<\/p>\n

\"Bahama-Beach-sized\"<\/a>Sun, sea, beach, bikinis.<\/p>\n

I really was missing Hawaii.<\/p>\n

Of course, but\u00a0I’ll skip the meetings.<\/p>\n

So he did meetings and I rented a motorbike to putt around by day and hit the casino and\/or bars by night.<\/p>\n

I figured when I ran out of money I’d go back home.<\/p>\n

\"Bahama<\/a>So I lived the good life until I was down to my last $50.<\/p>\n

Putt-putt over to the casino, plop it down on the Blackjack table and let her rip.<\/p>\n

Lose – I go home.<\/p>\n

Win – I stay until I’m down to $50 again and back to the casino.<\/p>\n

A simple plan is always the best one.<\/p>\n

It probably is important to note I never had gambled much and my total knowledge of Blackjack came from a five-minute chat with one of my father’s friends months earlier.<\/p>\n

I figured I’d go broke – and out of there – quickly.<\/p>\n

I cleaned up.<\/p>\n

I walked out of there with a fist full of cash and I was good for another week of the high life.
\nDown to $50 again – back to the tables.<\/p>\n

This went on for six weeks.
\nIt was amazing and I was awesome.<\/p>\n

They should make a movie about that.
\nI’d like\u00a0Leonardo DiCaprio to play me please.<\/p>\n

And the love interest – a short brunette would be nice.<\/p>\n

It was like dropping by a bank with my hand out.<\/p>\n

\"Nassau<\/a>Then one night there was a knock at door.<\/p>\n

The Bahamian police had arrived.
\nThree very big gentlemen.<\/p>\n

“The government of the Bahamas sends its regards and it’s time for you to leave.”<\/em><\/p>\n

Seems someone in the Ministry of Whatever decided I was a professional gambler.<\/p>\n

\"Queen-Elizabeth-Angry\"<\/a>This was back when the Bahamas were still under Great Britain and the Queen was the boss.<\/p>\n

I can only assume she was not amused by my good fortune.<\/p>\n

It was like a bad movie.<\/p>\n

Get out of Dodge by noon the next day or I would be arrested and deported.<\/p>\n

One officer said, “You can do it the easy way – or the hard way”.
\n<\/em>I suppose he’d been watching the same bad movies<\/p>\n

But it really sounded weird in a Bahamian accent.<\/p>\n

Anyway, If I left they’d skip all that messy fingerprinting and jail stuff.
\nI’d seen enough bad movies myself to figure out what might be the best path.<\/p>\n

10 o’clock the next morning I saved taxi fare by riding in the back of a police car to the airport and they walked me to the plane.<\/p>\n

Nice guys.
\nWe shook hands and laughed about how stupid the whole thing was.<\/p>\n

I was then thrown out of the country.<\/p>\n

Professional gambler.
\nI didn’t know whether to be proud or bummed.<\/p>\n

Decided number one was best.<\/p>\n

That ended my life of crime.<\/p>\n

Is there a moral to all this?<\/p>\n

Of course – women love men with shady pasts.
\nExcept for the Queen.<\/p>\n

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