{"id":454,"date":"2013-09-16T05:30:45","date_gmt":"2013-09-16T15:30:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/grumpyseniors.com\/?p=454"},"modified":"2013-09-15T11:17:00","modified_gmt":"2013-09-15T21:17:00","slug":"chawing-your-way-to-the-top","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/grumpyseniors.com\/?p=454","title":{"rendered":"Chawing your way to the top"},"content":{"rendered":"

I recently met a very nice, attractive lady who was looking for a job in my field.<\/p>\n

Smart, competent in what she does, seemingly destined for great things.<\/p>\n

\"Chewing-gum-sized\"<\/a>Except…
\nShe spent the entire time we were chatting wailing away on her gum.<\/p>\n

I’m talking go-to-town, open mouth, jawing away chewing.
\nAnd it was popping and crackling and making me crazy.<\/p>\n

I wanted to yell, “Spit out the damn thing.”<\/p>\n

Which I didn’t because I’m a nice guy and figured others have tried it and it didn’t work.<\/p>\n

I don’t chew gum.<\/p>\n

Okay, so I’m biased.
\nBut it’s mine and I own up to it.<\/p>\n

I tried\u00a0gum a couple of times in my life but just swallowed it.<\/p>\n

So in goes another piece, same thing, and another piece until I got sick.<\/p>\n

Then my insides got all messed up requiring I put new magazines in the bathroom for many hours.<\/p>\n

That stopped my experimentation with oral fixation.<\/p>\n

I know a lot of people chew gum because you can find it stuck underneath any table at McDonald’s.<\/p>\n

I assume they put it there while they ate and forgot to take it with them afterwards.<\/p>\n

Or maybe it was left in case someone else wanted it.
\nIt’s nice to share.<\/p>\n

I dated a girl who chewed gum\u00a0in junior high school.<\/p>\n

It didn’t last long because one time it got stuck in my braces when I tried to fumble a kiss.<\/p>\n

She thought it was funny and I was thinking how mad my mother would be.<\/p>\n

I figured she would see that mess and she’d disapprove of my kissing a girl at 14.<\/p>\n

Kissing leads to touching and other things and I was too young to get married in her mind.<\/p>\n

There’s some scientific studies that supposedly say chewing gum is good for the brain.<\/p>\n

They say it boosts thinking and alertness, and reaction times among chewers are up to 10 per cent faster.<\/p>\n

It was printed in a British tabloid next to pictures of some drunk Earl of Whatnot, so you have wonder.<\/p>\n

Other research published in Japan last year suggested chewing gum could interfere with short-term memory.<\/p>\n

They might want to check\u00a0to see how many are chewing gum at that nuclear reactor in Fukushima.<\/p>\n

I suspect our world is being run by adults who were never spanked as kids and got a trophy for just showing up.<\/p>\n

Share this:<\/h3>