{"id":624,"date":"2013-11-07T05:30:00","date_gmt":"2013-11-07T15:30:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/grumpyseniors.com\/?p=624"},"modified":"2013-11-07T07:00:15","modified_gmt":"2013-11-07T17:00:15","slug":"staying-golden","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/grumpyseniors.com\/?p=624","title":{"rendered":"Getting golden"},"content":{"rendered":"

Most people probably never heard that term before.<\/p>\n

It’s apparently\u00a0reserved for scientific conferences and my wife’s girlfriends.<\/p>\n

Here’s the story…<\/p>\n

Two years ago I threw a surprise birthday party for the sparkle in my eye.<\/p>\n

I really put a lot of work into it.<\/p>\n

I badgered all her friends so much they\u00a0came just so I’d go away.<\/p>\n

It was such a hit her best friend said I’d be golden for two years.<\/p>\n

\"Golden-sized\"<\/a>The scientific definition of “golden”<\/em> is one could do no wrong, or turn lead into gold.<\/p>\n

Same thing, actually, because we know neither is possible.<\/p>\n

The unscientific term golden<\/em> goes back to the first duck that was ever seen, “Hey, look at that gold bird! Water just runs off that thing. He must be golden.”<\/p>\n

Women, who are\u00a0immediately\u00a0drawn to things gold and diamond, made the word as part of their secret language.<\/p>\n

The concept of doing something so great the wife would actually like me more than some new pair of shoes is a profound discovery.<\/p>\n

Of course, regardless of what her girlfriend said to me, my goldenness only lasted about a month.<\/p>\n

Keep the thought as we flash forward to last week.<\/p>\n

The wife puts a picture of us on her Facebook page.<\/p>\n

It has to be the most ugly one in the entire universe.<\/p>\n

They say love is blind but that’s not the case here so I have to suspect she wants people to feel sorry for her or she picked it while angry at\u00a0me for something.<\/p>\n

Unfortunately the list is so long I’ll never be able to pinpoint what that something might be this week.<\/p>\n

For all I know it could be in anticipation for something I will do at a later time as yet to be determined.<\/p>\n

The wife is a saver and she tucks away lots of stuff for later use – including transgressions of every sort, great or small.<\/p>\n

The scientific reality is even if husbands were able to do something they consider magical, the goldenness never lasts very long.<\/p>\n

Like a good cigar\u00a0its shelf life is never very long.<\/p>\n

Moving on…next week we’re going to Las Vegas.<\/p>\n

She’s going to hang out with her friends and I’ll visit my money.<\/p>\n

\"shopping-girl-sized\"<\/a>I’ll also drive her to every mall and clothing sale within 50 miles of the hotel\u00a0without grumbling once.<\/p>\n

I will patiently wait for her, load her many purchased\u00a0items in the trunk and move on to the next store while she is all a-flitter with anticipation at what bargain she might find just around the corner.<\/p>\n

Shopping makes\u00a0her happy, as it does for the majority of the ladies.<\/p>\n

That’s good because\u00a0any husband will tell you – if the wife’s not happy, she’ll make damn sure you aren’t either.<\/p>\n

But the reality is I’m not golden for doing all that service with a smile – she thinks that’s the way it’s always supposed to be.<\/p>\n

I’m not saying the wife is a grump\u00a0– but she does have her moments where her absolutely sterling personality is not up to its\u00a0sometimes usual wonderfulness.<\/p>\n

But she takes very good care of me and I give her more than her share of grief.<\/p>\n

But most wife’s have this special view that husbands are always supposed to do magical things daily to make them happy.<\/p>\n

The scientific truth is – that’s impossible.
\nGuys aren’t built that way.<\/p>\n

We can do good stuff for only so long before this overriding urge destroys the nice\u00a0side of\u00a0our brain and we do something really stupid when the wife is around.<\/p>\n

No sane man willingly chooses a path of self-destruction.
\nAnd yet here I go, hurtling toward the edge of the precipice.<\/p>\n

Golden doesn’t enter into it.<\/p>\n

That’s another reason old guys can be grumpy.<\/p>\n

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