{"id":933,"date":"2014-01-02T05:30:39","date_gmt":"2014-01-02T15:30:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/grumpyseniors.com\/?p=933"},"modified":"2014-01-02T07:25:16","modified_gmt":"2014-01-02T17:25:16","slug":"the-dogs-home-was-my-castle","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/grumpyseniors.com\/?p=933","title":{"rendered":"The Dog’s Home was my Castle"},"content":{"rendered":"

This takes a little explaining.<\/p>\n

We had four dogs.<\/p>\n

The mother and the father lived to a ripe old age and are in whatever passes for doggie heaven.
\nWaiting for me, I hope.<\/p>\n

I would prefer to go wherever they are.
\nMy dogs are much better behaved than most people I know.<\/p>\n

Of the\u00a0five puppies she had,\u00a0three are with other people and we have two.<\/p>\n

All are almost 14 and that’s really, really old for a Maltese.
\nOlder than me if you count them in doggie years and I’m really, really old.<\/p>\n

\"Hogan-sized\"<\/a>One of our two has developed back problems and doesn’t walk well.
\nActually, he walks a lot like I do – lurching down the hall on rubbery legs.<\/p>\n

I have a better sense of humor about it than he does but he’s adjusting.
\nPeople and dogs are amazingly adaptable.<\/p>\n

He can’t walk on our slippery floors because he has little strength in his legs and ends up doing the splits and falling down.
\nIt’s really painful to see.<\/p>\n

So the wife, never at a loss for being a good mother, has lined the house with various size and color throw rugs making paths from here to there for him.<\/p>\n

Whatever was on sale at the time she went shopping.<\/p>\n

It works well but the house now looks like something out of Saudi Arabia and I spend all day tripping over the damn things.<\/p>\n

As long as we’re home the two dogs are okay together.
\nWhen we’re gone they either play or fight and that’s not good for the one with the bad back.<\/p>\n

So my bride buys this humongous cage to\u00a0put him in\u00a0when we’re out.<\/p>\n

It’s one of these, “I know you don’t like it but someday you’ll thank me”, kind of thing.<\/p>\n

And like it he doesn’t – barking almost non-stop all day.
\nThe wife checks one of the surveillance cameras multiple times during the day and I get these text messages at work about the poor dog\u00a0being unhappy.<\/p>\n

Now we get to the story.<\/p>\n

This is a very big cage.<\/p>\n

The dog weighs 6 pounds and a 120 pound Saint Bernard would be comfortable inside it with room to invite over some friends for poker.<\/p>\n

\"dog-cage-sized\"<\/a>We made sure his vacation house has plenty of space so he can lurch from one end to the other.<\/p>\n

It’s big – with water, a nice soft bed and a\u00a0toy he ignores.<\/p>\n

This picture is not my house but\u00a0the cage\u00a0looks like this, but a bit larger.<\/p>\n

I could be happy staying there.
\nThe next time she sends me to the dog house I know where I can go.<\/p>\n

The wife now has an idea she picked up from one of her girlfriends whom she listens to much more than me.<\/p>\n

She wants to add a smaller cage at one end so the dog has a place to go shee-shee.<\/p>\n

A separate bathroom, if you will.<\/p>\n

One room for barking (a lot) and sleeping (a little).
\nOne room for handling #1 and #2.<\/p>\n

The next thing is she’ll be making curtains.<\/p>\n

I admit it’s an interesting idea because the one time he made #2 in the cage he was covered in it when we got home.<\/p>\n

I dragged out my disability excuse so the wife ended up having to clean him and cage.
\nI stayed out of her way the rest of the night.<\/p>\n

But here’s the problem…<\/p>\n

The only thing new the dog has learned in the past\u00a0five years is who is good for nibbles from the dining room table.<\/p>\n

\"begging<\/a>Me, of course.
\nI like to share.<\/p>\n

It only took him a couple of meals to get the proper begging look and attitude in place.<\/p>\n

Dogs are very smart when it comes to food.<\/p>\n

There is no way anyone is going to teach him that this is your bathroom and this is your living room.<\/p>\n

I like the little guy.
\nHe’s really sweet but he’s dumb as a rock.<\/p>\n

I’m comparing him to his mother who was smarter than some people I know.
\nThat’s another story for a different time.<\/p>\n

Anyway, the wife brought it up again a couple of nights ago.<\/p>\n

As wonderful as she is, when she gets something in her head it becomes a war of attrition I’m destined to lose.<\/p>\n

She keeps mentioning it and I keep losing brain cells each time I explain why it’s a wonderful, creative idea – but won’t work for this reason or that.<\/p>\n

After a while I’ll start running low on brain cells and need to keep some in reserve so I can do things like find my way home, use the TV remote, and remember to wash my hands after using the bathroom.<\/p>\n

She counts on this.
\nShe knows I’ll eventually give in out of a sense of self-preservation.<\/p>\n

That’s how she gets her way.
\nAnd that’s how I get grumpy.<\/p>\n

Wish me luck.<\/p>\n

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