{"id":978,"date":"2014-01-08T05:30:05","date_gmt":"2014-01-08T15:30:05","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/grumpyseniors.com\/?p=978"},"modified":"2014-01-07T12:44:30","modified_gmt":"2014-01-07T22:44:30","slug":"another-day-older-and-deeper-in-debt","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/grumpyseniors.com\/?p=978","title":{"rendered":"Another day older and deeper in debt"},"content":{"rendered":"

Bonus: amuse yourself by guessing what song the headline came from.<\/p>\n

\"69th_birthday_mug-sized\"<\/a>My birthday arrived last weekend.
\nQuietly, which was exactly how I wanted it.<\/p>\n

At my age that’s not something one goes around announcing, unless you think\u00a0everyone would be surprised you’re still here.<\/p>\n

I’ve now been telling people I’m 39 years old for thirty years.<\/p>\n

I suspect it may be reaching the point no one believes me anymore no matter how youthful I may – or may not – look.<\/p>\n

Probably “may not”.<\/p>\n

I went to the Internet and looked up the names of celebrities that would be\u00a0my age.
\nA large portion of the list were people who are dead.<\/p>\n

That’s depressing although it’s proof that booze, sex and rock\u00a0n’ roll doesn’t necessarily equal a long life.<\/p>\n

Since I am an expert at being old I’d like to share this happy event and\u00a0help you plan your life.<\/p>\n

Here’s what you will have to look forward to when you get really old like me:<\/p>\n

– Oldies stations consider the music you grew up with as too ancient to play.
\nYou think it’s the best stuff ever.<\/p>\n

I have a friend with a gazillion CD’s and he’s always paying music that goes back to the\u00a0prehistoric age of rock.
\nHis home sounds like a cross between a 1950’s radio station, New Orleans ’60s blues dive and Dick Clark’s American Bandstand.<\/p>\n

He’s happy as a clam.<\/p>\n

– Not matter what you think you see in the mirror, that’s not you.
\nDelusion is a wonderful thing, but after enough people call you “old” it stops working.<\/p>\n

– You’ll look for \u201csensible\u201d and \u201ccomfortable\u201d clothes when shopping.
\nBonus if they are both \u201croomy\u201d and \u201cflattering\u201d, which we know is impossible.<\/p>\n

– Your favorite foods will now wreak havoc on your insides.
\nThe current trend in fast food to spicy-as-hell is sure death.<\/p>\n

– Hangovers will destroy you.
\nFirst you think you’re dying, then you think you died and now you’re dead.<\/p>\n

– Quiet never sounded so good.<\/p>\n

– Your back will hurt for no damn reason.
\nSame goes for your feet.<\/p>\n

– Your clothes aren’t the only thing with wrinkles.<\/p>\n

But nature has a wonderful way of making whatever age you’re at seemingly okay.<\/p>\n

You should welcome old age, especially when you think of the people who never had a chance to get there.<\/p>\n

I’ve learned the best way to deal with old age is to ignore it.
\nAnd that includes birthday parties.<\/p>\n

So this year the wife cooked at home for the brood.<\/p>\n

\"Birthday<\/a>It was sort of the usual every other Saturday family dinner thing except there’s a birthday cake there.<\/p>\n

With so many candles one has to turn off the fire alarm before lighting them.<\/p>\n

And forget blowing them out in a single breath.<\/p>\n

The best thing to do is smother it with something big and fireproof.<\/p>\n

I’m 69.
\nMixed feelings about that number.<\/p>\n

The whole thing makes me grumpy.<\/p>\n

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