Why anyone would want that job is beyond my grasp.
Locked up and surrounded by guys with guns all day.
No matter what you do, someone is going to bitch about it.
And then there’s the women throwing themselves at you.
Wait a minute – sounds a bit like Justin Bieber, come to think of it.
I think he’s a bit nuts too.
Anyway, then there’s the rules you have to follow.
I’m not talking about the ones that Bieber breaks every day.
I’m talking about the rules President Johnson was proud to live by.
It’s interesting the stories you hear in politics.
If you hang around people’s aides long enough you hear just about everything.
For example, LBJ used to say:
Never trust a man whose eyes are too close to his nose.
The late President had a list of them and they guided his life.
The guy must have been… interesting.
Here’s the rest…
2. Always be sure to have 25 percent cotton in your undershirts; otherwise your bobbies will itch
3. Remember the CIA is made up of boys whose families sent them to Princeton but wouldn’t let them into the family brokerage business
4. The fact that a man is a newspaper reporter is evidence of some flaw of character
5. When you are handshaking on the campaign trail, never let the other fellow grab your hand first—grab his hand and elbow and throw him past
6. Before getting into a motorcade, always go to the bathroom and pee. (A famous story has it that Johnson peed on a Secret Service guy one time)
7. Don’t tell a man to go to Hell unless you can send him there
8. When things haven’t gone well for you, call in a secretary or a staff man and chew him out. You will sleep better and they will appreciate the attention
I personally like #3.
Very appropriate these days.
I never met LBJ.
I did meet every President after him when they passed through the islands.
To clarify, “met” means shake his hand as he goes flying in and out of the room.
I doubt I ever made actual eye contact with anyone except Bill Clinton.
Probably only because I was holding a golf club and he needed it.
Johnson was a grump too.
A man after my own heart.
I feel better already.