I have discovered a lot of strange things happen when you get older.

Two of them are particularly distressing.

All the stuff hanging on your head get bigger and you have to shave your ears.

I bet most people under 50 never thought of that.

I certainly never did when I was younger except to gawk at some of the old guys that were beginning to look like Yoda.

Everything stops growing in your 30’s except for your nose and ears.

Add that to the other stuff on your face sagging and it’s a ridiculous sight.

That’s your future, such as it is.

In some Asian countries big ears denote wisdom.
For instance, most statues of Buddha have very large ears.

All this tells me is I’m living in the wrong place.

Most older guys don’t notice this until they’re shaving and the light catches everything just right.

Yeah, that’s peach fuzz growing all over your ears.
Mixed in with a few big, black hairs.

Really gross.

You think the wife would have said something.

She’s never been shy about telling me to wipe my mouth at a restaurant.

Other than checking my table manners in public I don’t think she looks at me much.

For example I once had a mustache for years.

One day I was trimming it with one of those electric mustache trimmers…at the wrong setting.

One swipe and about a third of it disappeared, so I just shaved everything off.

Here’s what I think: if my wife suddenly lost a good portion of her facial identity I would notice.

Not her.

Six months later she was with me as I told someone how I used to have a mustache but shaved it off and the light bulb went on over her head.

Back to ear hair –  I went to the repository of all knowledge, the Internet, to find out why this happens.

The scientific explanation is it’s a manifestation of the law of conservation of hair.

When I was young the manly fluid filled my whole being, but as I got older a lot of it boiled off.

So now it doesn’t even reach the bottom of my brainpan and the result is that hair grows in my nose and ears rather than on top of my head.

One problem with this theory is I have all my hair, but one can’t be picky with a scientific explanation.

Anyway, the day I discovered this hair I ran the razor blade over both of them and then had to put up with people at work asking me why my ears were bleeding.

Save this knowledge for when you get old – an electric razor works best.

Always glad to help.