Say what?

deaf-grumpy-old-manThe wife thinks I should get a hearing aid.
I pretend I don’t hear her.

Of course she says that proves her point.

Not really.

There’s a difference between ignoring and not hearing.

I will admit I do have a small hearing deficiency.

It comes when you get older and things get rusty and the moving parts run out of grease.

I have a couple of fans, a lawn mower and one dog in the house like that.

My doctor says the ear is full of stuff with strange names like utricle and saccule and they all move together in mysterious and wonderful ways.

The lady is a scientific genius.

And this stuff gets old just like me.
And when things get old, just like me, they aren’t interested much in moving around, just like me.

Then there’s the small thing of a decade being a disk jockey with my headsets at full volume.

Okay, that can knock a few high frequencies out of my stuff that move.

But I’m not deaf.

Outside of confusing words that star with C, D, E, G, P and sometimes Z, I do fine.
When I have problems with half the alphabet, I might rethink my position.

As long as I’m not in a noisy room, I also do fine.
But nobody can hear anyone in a noisy room anyway.

Stay home and don’t talk to people works great.
There’s a certain Zen happiness in peace and quiet.

Hearing-hornBut a hearing aid?
Seriously, why would I want that?

What’s it do?
It makes things louder.

I can’t hear you?
Speak louder.

Problem solved and look at all the money I saved.

You’d think this would make her happy because her frugal nature.

Also, I’m showing some fiscal responsibility for once in my life.

She wants me to hear every word when she gets into one of her lengthy, go-on-forever stories about she and her girlfriends swapping gossip at lunch, including what they wore, the complete menu and her 3rd grade report about growing beans.

I’d rather buy something shiny with lots of moving parts instead of a hearing aid.
Sticking anything except a finger in my ear sounds weird to me.

Considering the inane stuff some people have to say, a man-toy sounds like a better buy.

If she wants me to hear her, just speak up.

Of course that makes her grumpy.

Too bad I can’t hear her.

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