So we’re hanging out by the front door of Big City Diner waiting for our table Friday night.

I’m being a good husband and taking the wife out to dinner.

Out of nowhere she says, “You’re starting to act like an old man.”

Wow, I am an old man but there must be something going on here.

So I ask her, in what way?
“I don’t know.”

That’s helpful.

I guess I’m going to have to figure this out on my own.

I’m within spitting distance of 70.

That’s old, especially if you’re looking at it from under fifty.
That’s young if you’re looking at it from over eighty.

I was flirting with the waitress.
Okay, makes me a dirty old man.

I don’t think she meant that.

I’m not sure where that whole thing came from.

My clothes were clean, I had shaved that day and I was smiling.

Let’s define “old”…
1) It’s when someone compliments your new alligator shoes and you’re barefoot.
2) It’s when a sexy girl gives you a smile and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
3) It’s when going topless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
4) It’s when you don’t care where the wife goes, just as long as you don’t have to go too.
5) It’s when you are told to slow down by the doctor instead of the police.
6) It’s when “getting lucky” means finding your car where you left it.

I’m not near any of those yet, except for #4.
But I’ve always been that way so it doesn’t count.

Lots of things are old:
The old testament
This Old House on TV
Old Navy
Old McDonald and his farm
Old Farmers Almanac

All of them are still quite useful.

According to the Urban dictionary, in the hood, “old” is good.

“Whoa, look at that guy over there.”
“Him?”
“Yeah, he is so old.”
“No wonder all the girls like him.”

So, what is acting old I wonder?

I suspect the wife was just feeling old herself and aimed it at me.
In scientific terms, a little transference at work.

Didn’t work.
This time.