So it’s Friday night and I’m holding two $5 bills in my hand.
Have I mentioned before that anything with chocolate is at the top of the food pyramid?
The wife is sacked out on the couch but getting her up for something this delightful is not difficult.
So she wanders off to do whatever it is women do before they are seen in public.
This is ignoring the fact it’s 10 pm and we’d be hitting the drive through.
I suspect she wants to look good in case we’re in an accident.
Mother’s tell their son’s to wear clean underwear for that reason.
I suppose the makeup thing is what they tell their daughters.
Anyway, I head over to close the front door so the burglars stay away.
Down I went as my left knee gives out.
It has done that before but it’s been maybe 9 months since the last time and I thought that stuff had ended.
I have no idea what happened but it appears a metal strip along the bottom of the front door got back at me for all the times I slammed it on the way out.
My doc looks at it the next morning and said something that sounded like “eeewwww.”
She pulls in a surgeon to share the view.
He apparently was overjoyed at what he saw.
He kept saying I almost amputated my small toe and it’s going to take a lot of stitches.
I have a picture of all this but you don’t want to see it.
Trust me, it’s gross.
If I were a dog this is probably what everything looks like now.
He was really happy about all those stitches.
Maybe he had a car payment coming up.
He spent more than an hour sewing everything back together.
All the time explaining how suturing in that area was like breast surgery.
Something about the folds in the skin and curved needles.
I’m not sure if I needed to know all that but I took it all in case I needed small talk at the next cocktail party.
Three hours later I leave the doc’s office and hobble to the car to head home.
He said don’t walk on it so I headed out to the daughter’s birthday night that night.
Yeah, I’m stupid.
So I’m now home gobbling pain pills and floating in la-la land.
Life is good.
I couldn’t be grumpy if I wanted to be.
I’m sure that will change soon.