It’s interesting to watch the wife get dressed in the morning, not that I have much time to be doing that.

I’m too busy stumbling around looking for coffee while trying not to step on the dogs whose favorite place seems to be under my feet.

But having known many men who also have wives, I can say with certainty most women usually have it all planned out the night before.

When it comes to planning, the wife is a lady that’s dragging out the suitcases 2 weeks before we go anywhere.

Some even pick everything and lay it out so they can putz around in the morning.
She doesn’t do that.

The wife gets the two big closets – one in the master bedroom and one in the bathroom area.

She doesn’t need to move more than 5 feet to grab whatever she wants for that day. Not that it speeds things up much.

I get the dinky closet in the spare room with no light because no one ever stays in it.

Since most women are too busy getting gussied up to see how the husbands do it, I’ll explain.

I wander over to whatever closet space has been allowed me and stand there in the dark looking through the shadows at the same old stuff all jammed together because it’s much too small and I never throw clothes away.

One never knows when one just might fit in something again or it comes back in style.
Having been a Boy Scout I know being prepared is always a good idea.

I got stuff going back thirty years.

A good aloha shirt never goes out of style, regardless of what the wife says.

Her idea of something too old is something she bought last month.

I’ve turned down jobs on the mainland because I would have had to wear a tie or something fancy-ish.

I got married in a suit and expect I’ll never wear another one at my age.
But if I have to, I have ties ranging from 2 inches to 4 inches in width, so I’m covered not matter what the style is at that time.

I’d rather wear jeans and a t-shirt except work frowns on that unless I’m taking out the garbage or mowing the lawn – neither of which is in my job description.

Back to getting dressed…

My closet is roughly divided into my fat and skinny clothes.

The skinny clothes all look new because they aren’t worn very often.

I think it’s been 4 years since I wore something from the skinny pants side.

Hope springs eternal.

Ignoring those girly-men in New York, most guys – me included – don’t have much fashion sense.

My best looking stuff is usually something the wife bought sometime after she was particularly embarrassed to be seen with me in public.

I do know some things like orange and purple don’t go well together.
Neither does red and green, unless it’s Christmas.

Stripes and checks also bring looks my way and I suspect it’s not admiration although I think it can look quite spiffy in the right circumstances.

Anyway, the first decision is what pants to wear.
Black always goes with most things, except more black.
Unless you’re Goth.

Are they really wrinkled?
Not too bad equals good enough.

What shirt to wear.
Look in the fat or skinny section depending on how ugly, gross and fat I feel at the moment.

Sniff under the sleeve to make sure it’s not a dirty one I stashed back in the closet.
If it passes that test, grab it and put it on.

I’m dressed.

As I head out the door, there’s sometimes, “You’re not wearing that to work, are you?”

Of course I am – I have it on don’t I?

Now she’s grumpy.