I have to gear up for Thanksgiving.
It demands attention to detail, good manners and an iron stomach, all things I have in abundance but usually ignore.
Sometimes I’m expected to hang out with people I see only once a year, be pleasant and eat until I gag and require help from the fire department to get up.
The visitor’s are all working their cell phones so I just wander off and watch football.
We all have our traditions and mine’s going off in a corner.
I really am sociable but I’m also a loner by nature.
The wife likes it because she goes out with her girlfriends a lot and I don’t grumble.
They probably think I’m being grumpy.
That’s not true, but my conversations often center around, “What’s for dinner?” and since that’s already answered, there’s nothing left to say.
We’ll all get together again next year and do the same thing.
I’m not talking about the purpose of Thanksgiving – getting together to express thanks for what we have.
I’m eating that stuff for as long as the leftovers remain in the refrigerator and the wife is dishing them up.
I’ve had Turkey Ala King, turkey sandwiches, turkey salad, turkey casserole, turkey pie, turkey soup, steamed turkey, fried turkey, microwaved turkey and several dozen other variations that have yet to be given a name.
Just about the time I want to kill myself if I eat anymore turkey, we do the same thing for Christmas but she also throws in a ham.
That’s gone within days and – oh look, there’s turkey leftovers.
The one saving thing is the science of natural selection and that the turkey has evolved over thousands and millions of years to ease my pain.
That stuff makes people sleepy.
Scientists call it an essential amino acid, as demonstrated by its growth effects on rats.
That’s why Thanksgiving Day everywhere are households of people sitting around looking blurry-eyed and talking nonsense like shopping strategy for Black Friday.
As for me, I hear enough nonsense at work so I’m off sleeping somewhere in front of the TV tuned to football.
I consider this practice for one of the most valuable of business skills – dozing in meetings with my eyes open.
Since most meetings at work run an hour or so, and most of them start repeating after 20 minutes, I can usually get a 40 minute nap while someone is droning on.