The hardest day of my life is begun.

It’ll be weeks before it’s over.

Her time is growing short.

When one has reached my age you have seen too many die of old age.

It seems to follow the same course whether a person or an animal.

My long-time best friend is winding down and the end may not be far.

Sleeping much of the time, appetite slowly disappearing.

Walking is painful with many stops to rest, and she no longer meets me at the door when I come home.

My wife says she’s hanging in because she loves me so much and I should talk to her and tell her it’s okay to let go.

How can I do that?

I give her pain medication twice a day so she can walk and honey by mouth 4 times a day to try to keep her sugar levels up so she doesn’t have a seizure.

It still happens sometimes because honey is no substitute for a functioning pancreas.

I had another dog that died almost the same way about 3 years ago.

Hand feeding, lots of medicine and care and one day he collapsed right in front of me and died.

It took me a year to get over it.

Thinking back, his quality of life was only fair and I wonder if I did the animal any favor by stretching his life out the few extra months.

It does raise all sorts of questions for me about when it’s time to let go and how long to fight the inevitable.

It’s hard to give up, especially with something that has been with me for so long and is part of the family – part of my life.

Someday I’ll have that talk.
But not now.

I’m being selfish.

It wasn’t that many years ago, when you got an office job with a new company, you were given supplies to work with.

Somebody would come by with a box containing a stapler, some Post-It notes, tape, paperclips and maybe a ruler and scissors.

Or at least they’d tell you where the supply cabinet is.

Not any more.
In most cases there is no supply cabinet anymore.

I had a new employee come in my branch yesterday and she got nothing but a desk, chair, phone and welcome from me.

It used to be you could tell the financial health of your company by when it started counting paperclips.

But since not too many hand them out anymore, that statistic is gone.

You need those things.
Who doesn’t?

You’re expected to schlep down to the store and buy them.
On your own time.

Companies used to hand out pads of paper for folks to write down notes, or phone numbers, or whatever.

And if you were upper management they had your name printed on the top.
Same deal – get your own.

Sure, you can write it off your taxes and as non-reimbursed tool.
But why bother, it’ll only drop your tax due by a dollar, if you’re lucky.

Meanwhile the company is saving thousands.

Most companies preach life-work balance and how important it is to have family time and outside interests.

Then it gives you extra work that demands nights and weekends to get done within the timeline handed out with it.

But don’t work extra because the overtime isn’t approved.

Monday the guy wanders in asking if that report might be ready.

With the economy the way it is today, no one is going to turn down work for life-work balance and not look like a team player.