Borrowed. Actually, stolen.

simple-truthsLife is good when others do your work for you.

To wit:

A friend sent me some of these after a friend sent them to him.

Sharing is good.

Ponder these for a while…

The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe, before you start looking like a mental patient.

My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.

I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters.. do they just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out”…………..?

The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today….Pretty sure she’s going to get me something.

What is it about a car that makes people think we can’t see them pick their nose?

And our winner based on personal experience…

The speed in which a woman says “nothing” when asked “What’s wrong?” is inversely proportional to the severity of the storm that’s coming.

Stay grumpy.

The day our world stood still


I was sleeping the morning of September 11, 2001.

The phone started ringing at 3 o’clock.
It was the Mayor.

“Get in here right away.”

In addition to my regular job as IT Director, I had been heavily involved in Civil Defense for many years.

Stumbling around I threw on some clothes and headed out of the bedroom wondering what the hell is going on.

My wife was in the living room watching something on TV.

building remains21Stunned.
Heart broken.

People were dying in New York City, the Pentagon and some lonely field in the middle of nowhere.

Red lights flashing I raced into town.

I joined government and military officials in the command center early that morning and we stayed for days.

Everyone – police, fire, emergency medical services scrambling to be ready for… anything.

There are no plans to prepare for “anything”.

fireman in ruinsWe had no idea what to expect – but we were at war.

Hawaii was a major transit point for terrorists between Indonesia and the mainland.

Anything could happen here.

Cops that hadn’t worn a uniform in years dug them out of the closet and stood guard at buildings, transmission towers and power stations.

Nobody made fun of them if their shirt didn’t fit well anymore or their shoes were dirty.

They were just glad they were there.

The major concern was Waikiki.

It’s a high value target because of the number of international visitors packed into a small area.

All air traffic was grounded except for some planes coming in from Asia and one wasn’t answering the radio calls.

Our discussions turned to whether it might be shot down.

It was a terrible time that tarnished our souls forever.

Like so many others – my life changed that day.

aliveI was angry.

I still am.

It’s a good anger – not the kind that slowly eats a person inside – but one that reminds you that as a nation we failed to protect our own and it must not happen again.

It’s been fourteen years since those attacks on the World Trade Center where nearly 3,000 people died leading to long-running U.S. wars in Afghanistan and Iraq.

flag23It will, of course, happen again.
We’re still at war whether the politicians want to admit it or not.

The enemy is patient, waiting for when we let our guard down.

There is no way to stop a determined group of fanatics hell-bent on bringing us down.

You can’t stop 100-percent of everything.

That’s why I do what I do now.

Stuff I don’t talk about with the government that adds its little bit in keeping people safe.
I hope.

It’s our generation’s Pearl Harbor.
I can never forget or forgive.

I hope you can’t either.

Your cat doesn’t care

Have I mentioned I don’t have much use for cats?

Well, I don’t.

I think I just pissed off most of the women in the world.

It’s not that I hate cats.

black-cat-sizedI had a cat when I was a tween.

It was black and it had a bent tail that looked like a crank handle.

It probably got caught in a door sometime in its life.

Being young and still learning I thought the little bugger loved me.

I think I called him “Blackie”.

I wasn’t very creative at that age.

He would purr and rub himself on me and when I went to sleep he’d end up curled up on my chest with his butt right under my nose.

And he would start farting in the middle of the night.

Really smelly, putrid, icky, rank, reeking, gas-bomb, hydrogen-powered green clouds of noxious stink.

Right up my nose.

The cat would end up on the floor and I would end up with my head under the pillow thinking I was going to die.

But that’s not why I don’t have much use for cats.

Cats are…just there.

We turn to science…
Researchers in Lincoln, England, where they study things that are not real important, say cats don’t need their owners to feel secure and safe.

What they’re saying is cats couldn’t give a damn.

They say they proved it because cats don’t have separation anxiety when you leave the house.

Not like dogs.

Dogs start worrying – cats just goes to sleep.

And when they wake up they just go destroy something.

The scientists say cats, unlike dogs, do not need humans to feel protected.

mean catIf you’re a cat lover I suppose you’re thinking, “See? My cat stays because it loves me.”

Hey, if someone scratched me, gave me food and a warm place to stay – I’d hang around too.

Invite me over, do that and I’m yours.

For a while.

The second the cat gets pissed off they’ll just walk out.

And a cat won’t come or answer to its name.

“Hey Fred! Come here.”
Dirty look – if the thing even acknowledges you spoke to it.

Now, your dog is another story.

If I have to explain the bond between dogs and humans, you must be a cat person and no logic will sway you.

In that case – go watch some cat videos on YouTube.
Like this one.

If you think it’s cute, you’re an insufferable cat person.

If you think it proved my point, you’re an upstanding, highly intelligent, drinking buddy dog person.

Go to the shelter and get a nice dog and stop being grumpy.