I’ve always believed it was my calling to present things that enrich people’s lives.

I have scoured the Internet to find the most wonderful Valentines Day present and believe I have outdone myself this time.

As we all know, some of the most wonderful stuff comes from Japan, like pachinko.

From the lingerie company Ravijour – a bra that only unhooks for true love.

I’m not sure if this is a good or bad thing, but at my age it really makes no difference.

Its name is the “True Love Tester”.

I think naming it the “Wonderful Exploding Delight” would be better.

Sleazy guys, like I was in my youth, are locked out.

You see, supposedly the bra only comes undone when electronic stuff hidden inside detect a particular heart rate that signals…love.

I can hear my doctor yucking about this now.
Me too…but let’s continue.

The bra connects wirelessly with the lady’s smart phone and an app waits to see a special heart rate.

The company says it signals love, and the gates to happiness are…unlocked.

As you can from this company’s scientifically produced chart, everything has a special line all its own except…love.

Let us assume they want to keep it a secret, shall we?

Here comes the special surprise…

When it sees this special heart rate – the bra kinda just blows open in the front.

I’m laughing so hard I’m going to throw up.
Really.

And the lady has nothing to say about this unveiling.

If her heart gets all a-twitter, it’s show-me-the-money time.
Ready or not.

Let that image rest in your mind for a minute.

What better way to show your love then having your chest explode in the middle of a restaurant or while you and your honey are visiting the family?

And not surprisingly, you just know some ladies will buy it.

You might want to make note of this for Valentine’s Day.
Or maybe not.

How can anyone be grumpy after this.

A story from my college days.
This lesson is fairly common, but it’s always new to students.

The Professor was standing before the philosophy class and had a bunch of stuff on the table in front of him.

Without a word, he picks up a very large, empty jar and fills it with golf balls.

He asks the students if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.

So he then picks up a box of small rocks and pours it into the jar.
He shakes it a bit and the rocks fill the open areas between the golf balls.

He asks the students again if the jar was full.
They agreed it was.

The Professor next picked up a box of sand and pours it into the jar.
Of course, the sand fills up everything else.

He asked once more if the jar was full.
They agreed it was.

Finally he reaches under the table and comes up with a couple of beers and pours them into the jar.
It fills the empty space between the sand.

Everybody starts laughing, thinking this guy was wacko.

Where was he going with this?

Simple, really.
The jar represents your life.

The golf balls are the important things – your family, your children, your health, your friends, your favorite passions.

Things that if everything else were lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The rocks are the things that matter a bit less – like your job, your house, your car.

The sand is everything else – the small stuff.

If you put the sand into the jar first, there is no room for the rocks or the golf balls.

The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

The lesson that day was to pay attention to the things that are most important to your happiness.

Be around good people, play with your kids, take care of your health and relationships.

There will always be time to clean the house, and fix the walls.

Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter.

Set your priorities.
The rest is just sand.

But what about the beer?

The Professor looked at everyone and said – no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of beers.

Class dismissed.

I liked that guy.

One of my favorite scientific theories may be right after all.

I always figured when one gets old, our brain slows down because it gets clogged with a lot of stuff.

After all, when you approach your elder years you have done damn near everything and met thousands of people and read lots of books and figured lots of things out.

And all that stuff gets stashed in your brain and it starts getting crowded after a while.

Unless you’re lazy.

Then your brain stays fairly empty and people call you an airhead and you watch Fox News.

We all know more than a few of those.

Now, a new scientific study seems to say – hey, he’s right!

From some big-shot university in Germany:
The brains of older people only appear to slow down because they have so much information to compute, much like a filled-up hard drive.

I’ve been saying that for years.

I should be getting some credit here.

Anyway, back to this paper obviously stolen from my earlier work.

Older people do not get fuzz brain with age, it just takes us longer to remember stuff because we have lotsa junk in our brains to sort through as we look for the proper answer.

It’s like when your hard drive gets full – old folks take longer to access the stuff in their head because there’s so much of it and it’s all squished together.

Here’s the scientific conclusion: “The brains of older people do not get weak. On the contrary, they simply know more.”

This, of course, explains why old folks take lots of naps.

Shifting through all this stuff looking for someone’s name or where you left your keys is a lot of work and one has to rest afterwards.

It also explains why old folks look at youngsters and say, “You don’t know a damn thing”, because their brains are still empty.

I am vindicated and I’m sure those scientists will be grumpy when they find out I got there first.