I was poking around the backyard in the dark a while ago.
I was using one of the wife’s many flashlights.

This is usually great fun because most of them have almost dead batteries and one never knows where the dog may have pooped.

I did what you do when your flashlight gets dim.

I whack it hard against something and all is well again.

Using scientific deduction I have postulated batteries shrink as they are used.

Hang in for a minute before you post this on Facebook – the proof is coming.

I was talking to a physicist last week.
The guy is an expert in batteries.

A fellow scientist, so to speak.

So I ask, “Why do batteries shrink as they get used up?”

He goes, “Huh? They don’t shrink.”

“Yeah? They rattle after a while.”

“Maybe the spring gets weak.”

Got him.
Oh yeah?

Explain this…

Why does a flashlight’s batteries rattle after you used them a bit and there’s a big monster spring inside?
Huh?

Why does the light get dim but you shake or pound it – it gets bright again?
Huh?

How come you swap out the batteries and the rattling stops but the spring has not had time to get strong again?
Huh?

Doctor scientist changes gears saying it’s probably corrosion on the battery terminals.

Bushwha.
The guy could only shake his head.

Corrosion – not after a week.
And that doesn’t explain the rattling.

I have handed the scientific community a mystery that has been in front of its nose for many years.
One it never saw.

According to the Google index of all knowledge no one has ever asked that question before.

It’s good to be first.

Here’s a possible answer:

Look inside this battery.
See the pomegranate seeds?

They provide the power and as the electricity leaks from them the seeds get smaller.

And as they get smaller the battery shrinks.

If one of my wife’s girlfriends told her this she’d absolutely buy it.
I’m not sure my luck will stretch that far.

But so far today – I’m not grumpy.
But the day is young.