One of my favorite scientific theories may be right after all.

I always figured when one gets old, our brain slows down because it gets clogged with a lot of stuff.

After all, when you approach your elder years you have done damn near everything and met thousands of people and read lots of books and figured lots of things out.

And all that stuff gets stashed in your brain and it starts getting crowded after a while.

Unless you’re lazy.

Then your brain stays fairly empty and people call you an airhead and you watch Fox News.

We all know more than a few of those.

Now, a new scientific study seems to say – hey, he’s right!

From some big-shot university in Germany:
The brains of older people only appear to slow down because they have so much information to compute, much like a filled-up hard drive.

I’ve been saying that for years.

I should be getting some credit here.

Anyway, back to this paper obviously stolen from my earlier work.

Older people do not get fuzz brain with age, it just takes us longer to remember stuff because we have lotsa junk in our brains to sort through as we look for the proper answer.

It’s like when your hard drive gets full – old folks take longer to access the stuff in their head because there’s so much of it and it’s all squished together.

Here’s the scientific conclusion: “The brains of older people do not get weak. On the contrary, they simply know more.”

This, of course, explains why old folks take lots of naps.

Shifting through all this stuff looking for someone’s name or where you left your keys is a lot of work and one has to rest afterwards.

It also explains why old folks look at youngsters and say, “You don’t know a damn thing”, because their brains are still empty.

I am vindicated and I’m sure those scientists will be grumpy when they find out I got there first.

Many years ago, somewhere around the time I changed from radio to TV, I knew a guy that was a big time local TV producer and executive.

He lived in a very large house on the beach somewhere on the windward side.

I forget the exact location – but that’s not important.
It was one of these places that was isolated and had a big yard down to a wide beach.

One year he threw this tremendous party in the summer.

Maybe a hundred or more people were invited for volley ball, a few some beers, other games and just enjoy the day.

It was great fun with people in the same business.

So why am I telling you about this?

Because of the race.

It’s one of those events that became lore in the broadcast world.

The plan:
Teams would be put together and a relay race would be run up the beach, around the house and whatever.

Extra curricular:
Those who chose to run naked got extra points.

This was before the days of smartphones, small cameras and websites.

So what happened on the beach stayed on the beach.

More women than men decided to shuck their swimsuits and go for it.

Probably not more than a two dozen streaked, but it was enough to bring the entire crowd to the shore and watch and cheer and check everyone out.

Yes, I know what some of your favorite 80’s and 90’s radio and TV people looked naked.

Good times.
Bet you never heard this story before.

Would you know some of the names involved, especially if you are over 50?
You bet.

And that’s why I’m not going to tell you.
What happened on the beach should stay on the beach.

Now you’re grumpy.

Imagine this if you will.

I’m sitting bleary-eyed at my computer early in the morning checking email and waiting for the coffee to kick-start my system.

My bride comes into my office and says, “You gotta see this.”

And shoves a napkin with a fresh pile of dog poop under my nose.

How’s that image in your mind?
Imagine being at the receiving end of it.

Now, I have nothing against the dog doing his business – but in the back yard, please.

In her defense, if that’s possible in this instance, we have a very sick dog and she judges his present condition by the attributes of his morning business.

It really isn’t necessary to share it with me.

A verbal report is more than sufficient, thank you.

I try to understand the vet said to keep an eye open for changes since the dog is ill and I’m glad the wife takes it seriously.

But marriage is built on trust so if she says anything’s out of the ordinary I am more than willing to take her word on it.

There’s no need for me to look two inches from my nose to validate her observation.

Nor is it necessary for me to participate in this forced sniff test.

Although I admit we may have stumbled on the perfect diet because my appetite immediately disappeared and remained so for the rest of the day.

She never asks about my poop when I’m sick so suspect it’s an empty nest thing at her age.

Yeah, this is really gross and I probably made you grumpy.

Welcome to my world.