I get so confused when daylight saving time comes or goes on the mainland.

First, is it daylight savings or just daylight saving?

Is there an “s” there, or not?
I’ve seen it written both ways.

I don’t care, actually.

Then, there’s the fact that tomorrow will technically be yesterday in a day or two anyway, with a margin of error of three days to be safe.

Because today was – at one point tomorrow – but that was so long ago I can’t remember.

Time zones are just a way to cross over some invisible line and be somewhere else in the time line of the universe.

All this can get so confusing that the science that tries to explain it is mostly a mish-mash of stuff that makes no sense.

Then when they start fiddling with adding or subtracting an hour here and there it’s no wonder most people like me get confused.

Only the government would believe they could cut a foot off the top of a blanket, sew it on the bottom and have a longer blanket.

I bet I’ve been called a dozen times over the years at 3 o’clock in the morning from some yoyo in New York thinking it’s 9 AM everywhere in the world.

I doubt I’m very polite on those calls.

And don’t forget the International Date Line where people on the other side of it are in tomorrow.

Get on a plane Wednesday morning in Hawaii and land in Japan where it’s one day minus 4 hours ahead.

How crazy is that?

This is even nuttier – government worker’s in Japan are on daylight saving time where they have to go to work one hour earlier than everyone else.

No one else had to change their clocks, just the government people.

If you have an appointment at 10 AM, is it your 10 AM or the government’s 9 AM?

Getting back to planes – when I was a kid, people flying on planes got a certificate from the stewardess (that’s what they called them back then) to commemorate the event.

Kids like me got Junior Pilot wings to wear and be cool.

The planes took a gazillion hours to fly anywhere so maybe the certificate and wings were to take your mind off being cooped up for so long.

I’m so damn old I flew on the Pan Am Clipper to the mainland once.

I was maybe ten and sitting in the downstairs lounge.

Like any kid I started poking around and sort-of accidentally pulled a panel away from the wall.

Behind it was all sorts of wires and pipes.

I swear to God I thought I broke the plane and spent the rest of the flight in mortal fear we were going to crash in the ocean and it would be my fault.

That was the last time I pulled anything off a plane.

After that we went back and forth to the mainland on the Lurline.
Something like 5 days each way.

All I remember is my mother putting me in a group being taught hula by some lady on the ship.

She thought it was cute.
Mortifying at a young age.

It’s amazing we survive our mother sometimes.

That’s why we’re grumpy.

I’m trying to get a handle on selfies.

I was sitting there like a gentleman at one of the wife’s reunion events in Vegas and some of the people were taking their own picture with a cell phone and posting it somewhere.

I always figured taking a picture of yourself and posting it on Facebook was because you didn’t have any friends to hold the camera for you.

Or maybe it’s because you’re doing something you’re embarrassed to ask for help with.

Here’s how I got to that…

If you’re a guy the selfie is usually some shirtless manly pose in a mirror making gang symbols with your hands.

If you’re a girl you are most likely making duck lips while thinking to yourself how stunning this must look.

It’s all really kinda strange.

The Internet is filled with selfies of Miley Cyrus with her tongue hanging out, former Congressman Anthony Weiner with his stuff hanging out and lots and lots of duck lips.

I supposed I should explain duck lips for those living in Kahala.

This is a face used in many teenage Facebook pictures.

They stick their lips out in a fashion that resembles a duck’s beak.

It’s supposed to be seductive, although why anyone would think ducks or those women are sexy, is beyond my understanding.

I strongly suggest you stay away from people that do this.
Prolonged exposure may cause brain cell damage.

Now, this is not to be confused with a kissy face, which is a girl making a face as if she were about to kiss someone.

This is an okay face under the circumstances if:

A) She is in a relationship and sending it to her significant other traveling far away

B) Blowing kisses to her mom or dad through Skype

C) It’s Valentines day

If it is not under these circumstances, then it’s just as bad as duck lips.

I have one piece of advice. Remember what your mother used to say…

“You keep making that face and it’ll get stuck that way.”

That should look interesting in your next company meeting.

Rules for life and rules for living are quite different, if you think about it.

I ran across this and I think it’s worth sharing.

From the Dalai Lama I’ve been told.

I met him once, years ago, when I was a reporter and he was passing through.

I was – and am still – impressed.

This has nothing to do with religion, but everything to do with goodness and common sense.
— — — —
Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.

Follow the three Rs:
Respect for self
Respect for others
Responsibility for all your actions.

Not getting what you want can sometimes be a wonderful stroke of luck.

Spend some time alone every day.

Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

Live a good, honorable life.
Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.

In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation.
Don’t bring up the past.

Share your knowledge.
It’s a way to achieve immortality.

Be gentle with the earth.

Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.

Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Good stuff.