The secret to marital bliss

This is a hard-won lesson from being around women most of my life.

You can’t win.

Yes dear 02Logic doesn’t enter in to any discussion so don’t even go there.

The only correct answer is, “Yes dear”.

The wife wants to go to Japan with her friends next year.
Yes dear.

You don’t mind?
Yes dear, I don’t – have a good time.

Do you want to come?
Yes dear, but you know as a member of the disabled club I can’t walk that much and I’d be a drag.

So you really don’t mind?
Yes, dear.

Big hug.

Are you beginning to see how this works?

I’ve gotten along fairly well with most of the ladies in my life following that rule.
Except for two.

Yes dear vectorOne slapped my face.

I probably asked for it.

Maybe I forgot to say, “Yes dear”.

The other is Lady Luck.

I’ve always felt I’ve lived a charmed life but she and I must have a serious discussion before I go to Vegas at the end of the year.

She can be a bit flighty and I’d like to have her full attention this time.

I’m looking at adding to the retirement fund in a big way.
Some help here would be appreciated.

I’m sure some of you he-men out there are shaking your head over this.

Listen, “Yes dear” doesn’t mean you’re a wuss and giving in.

It means keeping the little lady happy.
Then – go do what you want.

After she finds out and calls you an idiot, you say…
Yes dear.

And move on.

It really is that simple.

Punching my clock

Regardless of what the wife says, I don’t have too many buttons you can push that will make me crazy.

The ones I do have she likes to jab occasionally to see if I’m still breathing.

But that’s for another time…

At my age I realize there are smart people and there are dumb people and it is what it is.

I’m real good at ignoring an idiot.

But some dumb things will light a fuse that leads to my going nuts.

Here’s a prime example…

I was in a store a couple of days ago.

Some well dressed and moderately hot lady was there with her kid.

He was maybe about 8.

mom yellingHe was acting like little jerk, no doubt due to the wonderful job his mom is doing in raising him.

So miss wonderful grabs the kid by the arm, gives him a shake just short of child abuse and says…

“You behave yourself or I’ll call a policeman to come arrest you and put you in the bad boys home.”

push-buttonButton pushed.

Defcon one.
Red alert.

So, this jackass is raising her kid to either be afraid of, or hate police.

I’m sure he’ll turn into a model citizen.

Can you actually believe someone doing this?
What an incredibly stupid thing to do.

This is the kind of mother that when the kid goes out and creates carnage, the news will quote her as saying, “I don’t believe it. He was a good boy. Yes, he had some problems but was talking about going back to get his GED, marry his girlfriend and be a better father to his 3 children. He was ready to go back to rehab. He would never hurt anyone.”

Police and kidsHere’s what you tell your kids…

If you’re ever lost or scared and mom or dad isn’t around find a police officer.

He will keep you safe and help you find us.

That’s what they do and they do it because they want to help people.

Sure they write tickets and arrest people but those people probably deserved being arrested or ticketed.

Don’t break the law and they won’t bother you.

Officers are there to keep people safe and that stupid, ignorant excuse for a mother forever put that kid on the wrong path.

So what did I do?

Today you get sued for sticking you nose in someone else’s business.

I don’t mind getting blasted for doing the right thing, but there’s no way my 30 seconds of teaching her parenting skills will make a difference.

The whole thing made me grumpy as hell.