I have to gear up for Thanksgiving.

It demands attention to detail, good manners and an iron stomach, all things I have in abundance but usually ignore.

Sometimes I’m expected to hang out with people I see only once a year, be pleasant and eat until I gag and require help from the fire department to get up.

The visitor’s are all working their cell phones so I just wander off and watch football.

We all have our traditions and mine’s going off in a corner.

I really am sociable but I’m also a loner by nature.
The wife likes it because she goes out with her girlfriends a lot and I don’t grumble.

They probably think I’m being grumpy.

That’s not true, but my conversations often center around, “What’s for dinner?” and since that’s already answered, there’s nothing left to say.

We’ll all get together again next year and do the same thing.

I’m not talking about the purpose of Thanksgiving – getting together to express thanks for what we have.

I’m talking about the bad thing about Thanksgiving – eating turkey for weeks afterwards.

I’m eating that stuff for as long as the leftovers remain in the refrigerator and the wife is dishing them up.

I’ve had Turkey Ala King, turkey sandwiches, turkey salad, turkey casserole, turkey pie, turkey soup, steamed turkey, fried turkey, microwaved turkey and several dozen other variations that have yet to be given a name.

Just about the time I want to kill myself if I eat anymore turkey, we do the same thing for Christmas but she also throws in a ham.

That’s gone within days and – oh look, there’s turkey leftovers.

The one saving thing is the science of natural selection and that the turkey has evolved over thousands and millions of years to ease my pain.

You see, turkey contains tryptophan as you can see by the scientific diagram.

That stuff makes people sleepy.
Scientists call it an essential amino acid, as demonstrated by its growth effects on rats.

If they ever need more, I got one hanging out in the back yard as evidenced by the wife’s screams some nights.

That’s why Thanksgiving Day everywhere are households of people sitting around looking blurry-eyed and talking nonsense like shopping strategy for Black Friday.

As for me, I hear enough nonsense at work so I’m off sleeping somewhere in front of the TV tuned to football.

I consider this practice for one of the most valuable of business skills – dozing in meetings with my eyes open.

Since most meetings at work run an hour or so, and most of them start repeating after 20 minutes, I can usually get a 40 minute nap while someone is droning on.

Happy holidays.

Going to Las Vegas is good for one’s health.
Seriously.

I never realized how heavy my wallet was until it was emptied on the casino floor.
There’s a spring in my step that wasn’t there before.

Odd the things a person thinks about while trapped and bored in a cramped plane for hours at 36-thousand feet.

Contemplating my navel didn’t work since leaning my head forward to look at it just ended up banging the seat in front of me.

That’s too bad because some say you can find truth there.

I suspect you have to be smoking something wild and wacky to make the best use of poking around in that area.

And since this was a non-smoking flight I needed to turn my attention elsewhere.

So I did a NSA wiretap of the drivel running circles in my mind.

Most people remember the article years ago, “Everything I need to know I learned in kindergarten”.

Great stuff – but it doesn’t cover everything.

One would think when one has gotten old enough one would know the answers to just about everything.
Or at least be delusional enough to think they know just about everything.

After all, being around long enough means most stuff has happened to you.
Maybe more than once if you’re stubborn like I am.

At least according to the wife.
I prefer to think of it as staying the course.

Since I like to share, here’s some of what I pondered while getting a numb butt coming home.

Stop, drop, roll in school made me believe catching fire would be a frequent problem in my life.

The way your future wife looks the day you first meet her will always be your favorite.
You’ll probably never see it again.

The best time is when you’re so tired everything is funny.

A good laugh and a long nap are the best cure for anything.

Sometimes when I close my eyes I can’t see.

Ignoring something is one of the great ways to inner peace.

When I get headache I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children.
Just like the bottle says, along with a lot of other people.

Of all my wife’s relatives – I like me best.

There’s a fine line between humor and sarcasm.
Some think I’m being funny while I’m actually kicking their butt.

Sometimes I don’t understand a single word I’m writing.

…stays in Vegas.

That refers to money I suspect.

I certainly had no opportunity to test anything else out.

Well, that was an interesting trip.

No complaints really.
I’ll save my grumpiness for something important.

I left a lot of money behind to keep company to all the other money I’ve left before.

I’m sure the Mayor would send a thank you note if I was somebody important.

The wife shopped everywhere and I was the designated taxi driver.

The Chevy Malibu is a junk car, by the way.

I came back with a lot of stuff for other people and dirty clothes for me.

Once again I promised anyone who would listen that I would finally try In-n-Out burger – and once again didn’t get to it.

I found two slot machines that pay off quite often but still managed to lose.

That’s why they call it gambling and not winning.

The food was great, especially if one stays out of the Main Street Café at the California Hotel.
Fine dining it is not.

I’m going back to bed.