Well.
Here we go again.

Airlines, as you know, are always looking for a way to grab a few more bucks.

For us in Hawaii, there’s no other way to wonderful Las Vegas – or anywhere – unless we pony up and hop a flight.

That means paying the bag fees, leg room fees, boarding order upgrades, food and whatever else is the charge du jour.

But the holy grail for an airline is jamming more paying customers on a plane.

Ideas to accomplish this float up from the evil minds of airlines almost weekly.

I’ve bitched before about smaller restrooms and Airbus’ crazy bicycle seating idea.

That’s it on the left in case you rather not expend the energy to click the link.

Now, let’s add this to the manure pile…

Zodiac Seats, the leading maker of airline seats, has filed a patent for a new type of seat.

Up front – it’s stupid.

People don’t think enough out-of-the box.

Instead of one monumental crappy idea, the best they can do is a series of little dumb ones.

Maybe, just maybe, the big one has finally hit.
New seating arrangement.
Yup, you’d be sitting staring at someone else for whatever time it takes to get you where you’re going.

It brings new meaning to “in your face”.

I’ve given this more than my usual amount of thought.
I can’t come up with anything positive about it.

With the nut-case wackos causing problems on planes now – can you imagine what this will lead to?

Let’s discuss…

The scientists say when some weirdo is isolated from the rest of society with a small group of people jammed in a plane and he or she tends to find the most good-looking person there to be exaggeratedly hot…or irritating.

Let the fight begin.

There’s more.

The company’s patent (see it here) says shoulder room will be a lot less with the new design.

Honesty is always the best policy, even if makes us look really dumb.

In fact the patent drawing shows your hand almost resting in your neighbor’s lap.

That should make for some fun times at 30-thousand feet.

And if you’re in the middle and have to go potty – everybody has to move.
Heh.

Fat chance.

Will this actually happen?
Probably not but then it was real stupid in the first place to come up with the idea.

One stupid thing generally leads to another.

Now everyone can be grumpy like me.

Life can be a series of little surprises.

Some good – some not.
This was a good one.

In a fit of boredom I was rummaging through some boxes in the garage a couple of days ago.

I have lots of boxes in the garage.
Some go back 15 years.

That’s not my garage above but sort of looks like my garage.

Actually only a little.
Mine is a bit more neat and there’s room for the car and washing machine and so forth.

Most of my boxes haven’t been opened since they were packed and I have no idea what might be inside.
Whatever I wrote on them outside has long worn off.

It’s like Christmas every time I peek inside one.

How could I deny myself that?

Sometimes a big cockroach runs out – sometimes I find something neat.
I get my excitement where I can these days.

The wife says I should throw them out because they’re taking up room.

Good grief.
No way.

She hangs pictures on every available inch of every wall.
I put boxes full of stuff in the garage.

It all balances out and we are helping keep the Universe stable.

It’s scientifically proven women don’t understand men need to have their stuff around all the time.
Someday we may actually need something in one of those boxes.

This isn’t clutter.
These are memories.

I never know what I might find.

Like this:

In this one box I find my ordination papers.

Yes, I am an ordained minister of the Universal Life Church.
Say hallelujah!

It cost me $6 dollars for the certificate which is now somewhat old and tattered.
Like me.

I have no idea why I got it.
Maybe too many beers back when I drank too many beers.

Here’s the great thing –
I can marry people.

Think of how much money I could make and joy I could spread.

I could park myself outside some popular joint on a Friday night.

Prop up a sign and hand out the temporary legal love.

Henry Kaiser once said – find a need and fill it.
So he bought Hawaii Kai back when it was pig farms and brush.

That worked out pretty well.

How can anyone be grumpy when they help love along.
Even for a few hours.

Hallelujah.

I’m not sure whether I’m more interested in slapping some kid or hugging some judge.

Maybe I can work both into my schedule.

Believe it or not – this is a feel good story.

Here’s how I got to this point…

Some high school student – whose name is secret – filed a suit against a New Jersey school district.

We all know New Jersey is kinda weird to begin with.
But this stretches even that.

The suit said hearing the Pledge of Allegiance in class violated his rights as an atheist.

Something about him having a problem with the use of “under God” in it.

He didn’t like it so it should stop.

That’s the slapping part.

Here’s the hugging part…

The Judge threw out the suit.

He said protecting students from viewpoints and ideas that may offend or upset them is not and has never been the role of public schools in America.

Please read that profound statement again.

Then please pass that on to the politicians out pandering for votes.

Damn, I like that judge.
Handsome guy, isn’t he?

That’s because all hero’s are handsome.
Ever see a firefighter that wasn’t handsome?

Of course not.
I rest my case.

Anyway, the judge did not stop there.

He looked at the kid and pointed out how the phrase “under God” appears everywhere in America.

Here’s what he said, “As a matter of historical tradition, the words ‘under God’ can no more be expunged from the national consciousness than the words ‘In God We Trust’ from every coin in the land, than the words ‘so help me God’ from every presidential oath since 1789, or than the prayer that has opened every congressional session of legislative business since 1787.”

As you can imagine, the American Humanist Association, which supported that kid, was not too happy with the ruling.

I suspect junior wasn’t either.
Too bad.

Consider it a teachable moment – we don’t always get what we want.
It’ll build character and prepare him for the real world.

Now, go sulk somewhere.
When you’re done, mow the lawn.

One of their PR folks said that having children recite the Pledge of Allegiance is “discriminatory” and makes atheists feel like “second-class citizens.”

I’m trying real hard to feel bad for them.
Wait…

Nope, it’s not happening.

I’m no gun-carrying, beer-swilling, truck-driving conservative.

Nor am I a tree-hugging, ban the bomb, tax-me-lots liberal.

I’m squarely in the middle.

Seems hardly anyone is these days – except for me and that judge.

That’s why I like dogs more than most people.

And that’s what keeps me grumpy.