This might get a few ladies upset.
That’s okay.

It won’t be the first time – or last.

I’ve always had this problem with rubber slippers.

Yes, this is Hawaii and that’s what we wear.

My problem is some forget that shouldn’t be all that we wear.

As mom used to say, there’s a time and place for everything.
That usually was when I was acting like a jerk, but it can apply here too.

In my younger years, I had too many dates where the lady’s idea of dressing up was putting on rubber slippers of a different color.

That’s not dressing up.

And that generally put a damper on any desire for a second date.
Yeah, I can be really shallow.

Let me see if I can squeeze a word in and explain this to the ladies…

Have you ever noticed most guys get crazy when they visit San Francisco or New York?

Ladies in coats and scarfs and boots and stuff we never see.

Dressed up and looking fine.

People in Kansas think we’re lucky looking at babes in shorts all the time.
Yes indeed, that we are.

But after you see that, or anything, long enough it’s kind of the same stuff.

Nice but not unusual.

Back to slippers.
They’re for knocking around the yard, hitting the beach and maybe running to the store.

They call them shower clogs in parts of the world for a reason.

This may be a shock – they’re don’t look so hot when going out to a nice restaurant.

Now I realize women dress for other women and not men.

But if some guy is going to lay out a couple hundred bucks and wear a clean shirt to show you a nice time, the least you can do is look a bit better than knocking around the yard.

“But they’re comfortable.”

So’s running around naked but my mother made me stop that when I was a year old.

Anyway, someone who puts on high heels and goes partying automatically loses the comfortable argument.

And don’t forget that some people got really ugly feet.

And I haven’t even got to toe rings.
Yet.

And just so you don’t think I’m picking only on women, I leave you with this delight.

A whole bunch of people reading this are now grumpy.
Too bad.

I’m right.

I was cruising the internet looking for something, anything interesting.

Here’s something…
Joan Rivers “Resting Comfortably” After Cardiac Arrest.

Wow.
A) Hope she’s going to be ok
B) What a bunch of baloney

Stick with me on this.

Back a bunch of years ago, before I started the original Channel Two Morning News, I was doing medical reporting.

The camera guy and I were following an ER doctor around at Kaiser.

The subject of the story was “what’s all that stuff they do as a part of a physical exam?”

Everybody knows about a doc sticking their fingers here and up there and listening and looking.

But what is it when he or she taps your chest?
These were the mysteries we were going to unravel.

Oh Lordy I was feeling bad that night.
Sick as a dog would not adequately cover it.

Finally the doc glances at me and says, “You okay?”
Can’t keep anything from the sharp eye of medicine.

I run through everything going on including the pain in my lower right area and other things that should lead to a quick and accurate diagnosis.

He says, “You probably got a bug of some sort. You’ll feel better in the morning.”

Thanks.

Interview over and we head back to the station, edit the story and I go home.

Two o’clock in the morning I wake up with everything on fire.

So I take myself back to the ER at 4 in the morning.
Too bad he wasn’t still on duty.

The new doc takes one look at me and says ruptured appendix – take this bad boy to the OR.
Stat.

No one even asked about my insurance.

The next day the surgeon who was called out of bed to fix me says he spent 4 hours cleaning up the mess inside.

I liked that guy and thanks to his mother for teaching him to be neat.

So, here I am…
Laying in the hospital bed, tubes running in and out, drugged to the gills and thinking I’m dying cause a lot of things hurt, a lot.

Six o’clock and time for the news with Joe Moore.

They run my story and afterwards he says, “Courtney Harrington had a bout of appendicitis but he’s ‘resting comfortably’ in the hospital tonight. We send him our best.”

“Resting comfortably”?

My insides are on fire, they won’t give me ice cream and none of my friends will sneak me a beer.

I think I’m dying and he’s saying I’m “resting comfortably” – and nothing about being a great trooper and doing the story.

Point of all this –
Joan Rivers is not resting comfortably.
I feel for her.

No one in the hospital ever rests comfortably.

Spokespeople always say someone is resting comfortably.
That’s because they don’t want to say the patient is hurting and grumpy and having to use a bedpan.

If they were resting comfortably they’d have been sent home with some pills and a very large bill.

So Joan – hang in.
At least one person really knows how you feel.

Update: Joan Rivers was removed from life support and died on September 4th. Rest in peace.

Something has been slowly growing out of control.

It started as a minor irritant and has grown into a full on attack on what makes Hawaii special.

Being an old fart I have enough to get grumpy over.
I don’t need any more.

But something has been stirring my pot the past few years and the KSSK radiothon the past day has pushed me over the edge.

CAP-EE-OH-LANI.

And shame on any kama’aina murdering the Hawaiian names that cover our state.

I’m not going to get all activist on you, but think of this:

You’re from Iowa and I visit your lovely state.
And I call it EYE-OH-WAY.

Not good.
Damn stupid, actually.

Or ORE-EE-GONE.
I don’t believe there’s a state by that name in the U.S.

There are certain words that just should take some effort to get correct, especially among my former colleagues in the broadcast field.

Please…
It’s KAH-PEE-OH-LANI.

The Queen.
The park.
The street.
The hospital.
The community college.
The lady below.

It’s all the same.

Kapi’olani.
Practice it and you too may sound intelligent and well spoken.

If you won’t do it for the Queen then do it for her.

Or anyone.
I don’t care.

Do it for me so I’ll stop being grumpy.